I love this game!

Yes kids, its the beginning of the NBA season. As I speak, err... type - the mavs/lakers game is just abuot to start. A lot has happened in the past few days and I'm just too lazy to type it all out. But I do have something I want to talk about tonight, this isn't specifically about anyone - its just something thats been on my mind. Before I get to that tho, who the hell is the mad mexican lover? you obviously know something or two about me so how about letting me know something about you. Jokes like this drive me crazy, I rack my brain thinking maybe theres someone there but oh wait - of course there isn't, why the hell would there be? But thats a horse of a different color, on with the show....

If you plant two trees at the same time, they won't grow at the same rate. People don't grow at the same rate. They grow as individuals and just do their own thing. One tree doesn't try to catch up to the other in growth. Its natural way of life to just grow at your own pace - trying to catch up to someone else does no good. Without establishing your roots in the ground than the tree cannot weather the storm and fierce winds that are to come. Enjoy the growth and don't try to reach for the stars without your feet planted firmly. So enjoy your time going through your dailies. Growing up may seem like a chore and a lot of it may be but sit back and relax - it'll be over before you know it. The tree may grow slow but before you know it, you'll look outside and the damn thing will be huge. I feel like an old man talking like this but when you wake up one day you'll realize that the world has pushed the title of "man" or "woman" on you with all the responsibilities that come with it.

Well I thought I had more to say but I can't keep my eyes off of the N-Bizzle- Izz-A. I think the new T-Mac commercial is genius - "Don't worry about all these kids skipping college to come into this league. They'll get their education, I'll be taking them to school everynight." The new AI commerical was pretty nice too I have to admit, but it might just be my undying love for all things that are Rocky. Tomorrow maybe I'll break you off some. Don't worry - this hiatus won't last long, its just I have kind of a lot going on right now. Its mostly work that I refuse to do but once I get off of my lazy ass and finish it then I'll write. It'll be sooner than later probably. On a side note - I think I'm ready to write down some bars and post them up here. Since you've made it this far, why not sign the guest book for your first time or for your nth time. Let your voice be heard. Until next time kids

Song of the Day: "Go With The Flow" by Queens of the Stone Age - surprised its not rap or mexican music huh? Yeah thats right, your friendly neighborhood mexican is starting to appreciate "white" music a lot more now, thanks to stubbs.

I'm So Far Ahead You Can't Get Passed My Past

Its almost the end of the week, and I'm doing my nightly routine - watching Comedy Central. Its mostly watching "The Daily Show with Jon Stewart" and "Tough Crowd: With Colin Quinn," I think they may be the best two shoes on TV today. Theres just something about them that makes me watch them every night no matter what - am I crazy? I don't know how many people are like this with a certain program/show... So everything seems to be going good right now, no social commentary tonight kids! Sorry if you wanted to read something conjured up in my crazy mind... So what am I going to write about? Just things I'm looking forward to

Its gearing up to be somewhat of the Christmas season. I know its early as hell but most retailers are starting to slowly get decked out. As Christmas draws nearer, so does Thanksgiving. The day after Thanksgiving marks the last solo album from Jay-Z. I've never been a big Jay-Z fan really, I loved his first CD... I even thought it was a classic but after that things slowly changed. He started simplifying his flow for mass market appeal and his subject matter changed some. Well recently I've began to rediscover young Hova and I've made a compilation of what I believe his definitive songs are... Hes also recently announced that he'll be using an awesome team of producers for his album! One being Rick Ruben and another one is 9th Wonder - you've never heard of him trust me, but he'll become one of the Premiere Producers in the Hip Hop world. Aside from production tho, hes called this album the Prequel to Reasonable Doubt, his first CD, so that has me pretty excited. There are high expectations for this but what else should I expect from the self titled God MC, J. Hova.... There are also going to be some hyped up movies coming out too - The Return of the King and The Matrix Revolutions. What a consumer happy holiday huh?

Another thing is the start of the NBA regular season next week! I know, the Lakers have a whos who of future Hall of Famers but honestly, the Western Conference will just be awesome. I'm shooting for the Timberwolves or the Mavericks in the West! East, of course it'll be the Nets. I'm also curious to see what King James and Carmello do...

Song of the Day: "Where Have You Been" by Jay-Z and Beanie Sigel
[Jay-Z]
"I wanted to walk just like him (remember?)
wanted to talk just like him (word)
often momma said I look too much
and I thought just like him (it could happen)
wanted to drink Miller nips
and smoke Newports just like you
but you left me, now I'm goin to court just like you
I would say "my daddy loves me and he'll never go away"
bullshit, do you even remember December's my birthday?
do you even remember the tender boy
you turned into a cold young man
with one goal and one plan
get mommy out of some jam, she was always in one
always short with the income
always late with the rent
You said that you was comin through
I would stay in the hallway (waitin)
always playin the bench (waitin)
and that day came and went
Fuck You! very much you showed me the worst kind of pain
but I'm stronger and trust me I will never hurt again
will never ask mommy "why daddy don't love me?
Why is we so poor?, why is life so ugly?
Mommy why is your eyes puffy?"
please don't cry everything'll be alright
I know it's dark now, but we gon' see the light
It's us against the world
we don't need him, right? (right)
mommy drivin 6's now (yeah), I got riches now (yeah)
I bought I nice home for both of my sisters now
we doin real good
we don't miss you now
see how life twists around, fucker?"

---

Technique is Ill

Been a few days since I updated, mostly due to my illness as of late... I've been sleeping almost every spare moment I get. But its time to jot down a few ideas/feelings... Before that there are just some random things I have to get outta the way... A buff Ricky Martin look-a-like complemented my shirt last night at the gym... hmm.... a little suspicious eh? Well it had to do with Hispanos Unidos but I couldn't tell if he was Mexican or just someone thats in love with the bright lights of a tanning bed. People love to hear about me almost getting sued by the Dubba Dubba Dubbaya B! Now on to the topics

Pardon This Interruption From Our Regularly Scheduled Program
News programs... what do you think about them? They're here to educate you and inform you about whats going on the world right? I mean thats the ideal situ but its not like that - atleast to me it isn't. The news program is just like everything else - they're in it for ratings which means more advertisers putting money in their pockets in order to put a commercial on. The News is here to entertain you in order to keep your attention. So is you're news source the same as say... TRL? Yes and No. Sure they inform you more than a few videos would but then again they'll put on any story that will keep your attention. What works better than keeping your attention than being informed about a possible threat? Oh no, the sharks are attacking again! Oh no Iraq has weapons of mass destruction! Oh no Halloween candy is poisoned! Yeah... thats exactly right...

The Gowdy Route: Revisited
I'm big on P2P, I think everyone knows that. I think its a great tool to empower consumers and to get rid of half of what the industry(movie/music/etc) are trying to shove down our throats under the title of "Pop Culture." However, there are a few things that I hate about P2P. I hate when good art is stolen. In this case, Kill Bill Vol. 1! Things such as this shouldn't be stolen, its a matter of respect. Its a great movie that should be respected more than that. It isn't your typical run of the mill pos but how will the studios understand people want more of this if you keep stealing it? Its like that with anything thats good - or at least you believe to be good. If you're a fan of a certain director then support them in everything you do, don't just steal their labor like that. I never want to hear a Reservoir Dogs quote come out of you again, you damn QT rapist! Before you say something like "But felipe you download this that and then some!" Well if its a movie, its usually one that I've seen already in the theatre and if its good enough to download its good enough to buy the DVD when it comes out! Does that make me any better that the hatted wonder? Depends on who you ask...

Damned If I Do, Damned If I Don't
I don't know if I've ever written about this but I'm sure everyone knows I'm dying to go to Mexico again. Its been a while but the more I think about it the more I want to wait. Sure I miss my family but I want to go back and be like "This is what I made of myself in the States!" Meaning that I want to go back with a nice career and everything... But what if I did do that? If I do that than I'll be seen as an anomally. As much as I'd love to think a lot of Mexicans go from nothing to something, the truth is most dont - those who do are seen as outsiders to a certain extent. The common person won't be able to relate to me if I make it and I'll be seen as something else. If I work the system and overcome the systems barriers than what will I be? But then what if I fail at college and at life? Sure some of my fam/friends would understand - life is hard. But to the masses I would be a failure wouldn't I? Some would understand but for the most part I would just be another kid who coulda been something...

Song of the Day: "I Can't Go To Sleep" by Wu-Tang feat Isaac Hayes
RZA]
"I can't go to sleep, I can't shut my eyes
They shot the father at his mom's building seven times
They shot Malcolm in the chest front of his little seeds
Jesse watched, as they shot King on the balcony
Exported Marcus, Garvey cause he tried to spark us
with the knowledge of ourselves, and our forefathers
Ohh Jacqueline you heard the rifle shots cracklin
Her husband head in her hair, you tried to put it back in
AMERICA'S WATCHIN, BLOOD STAINED INK BLOTCHES
MEDGAR TOOK ONE TO THE SKULL FOR INTERGRATING COLLEGE
WHAT'S THE SCIENCE? SOMEBODY? THIS IS TRICK KNOWLEDGE
THEY TRY TO KEEP US ENSLAVED AND STILL SCRAPE FOR DOLLARS
Walkin through Park Hill, drunk as a +FUCK+
Lookin around like, these +DEVILS+, I'm ready to break this world down
They got me trapped up in a metal gate, just stressed out with hate
And just, give me no time to relax, and use my mind to meditate
What should I do? Grab a blunt or a brew?
Grab a two-two and run out there AND PUT THIS FUCKIN VIOLENCE IN YOU?
I can't go to sleep, I can't shut 'em son.. I.."

---

What More Can I Say

What a weekend... Have you ever driven with a tire strapped to the hood of your car? Going 80+ mphs too? Well we had so much shit to bring back that it was nuts. It was all worth it though, we did end up with a Pimptastically well chair! I had to retire the ol' Electric Blue Camry! It served me well and didn't leave me out in the cold too much - actually I don't think it ever did. But I had to upgrade to the reliable as hell Explorer. The Explorers been to Mexico and back a few times - now I get to call it mine. Giving up my first car is kinda like having to put away your favorite toy growing up. You know its time has passed and its time to move onto different but better things... I'm do damn tired tho so bare with me, this might sound like it was put together by Timmy himself...

Crew Deep
I never realized just how much I have grown to depend and enjoy being around everyone down here at IU. Not to say that my friends/family back home aren't as important to me now - because they still are. Its just that I never really noticed how awesome everyone is down here. You guys help me out through everything, without you guys I wouldn't be able to make it thru my day. Eating/working out is the saving grace to my day no matter how badly it may have gone. Then when I was around my friends/family I noticed how I can just pick up right where we left sometimes. Sure it may seem awkward at first but that air of awkwardness soon left...

Being around my family and friends was suppose to be an escape of sorts... Instead I realized just how much is going on at home and how I like being independent. Things at home are crazy - what else can I expect tho? I had to confront some harsh realities about everything and everyone I was around. It was my sister's birthday as well as my cousin's birthday tho and that turned out to be bad ass. I ate so much food and just sat around making fun of family members - good times. I also realized just how making money by any means necessary is to some people... I'm not one to judge though but there are certain things I don't want around certain loved ones. Around Christmas time I'm sure the shit will hit the fan like crazy, but thats usually how any major holiday goes for me...

Tomorrow: DEAD PREZ CD!!! NEW DEAD PREZ CD!!!!

Song of the Day: "Walk Witt Me" by Sheek Louch

Days Turn To Nights

Calculus, Calculus, Calculus - thats all that I've been thinking about for the past few days. I have a huge test tomorrow that I didn't really think I was ready for but the more I review the more I realize I know a lot more than I previously thought. Other than calc I've been watching the Cubs like everyone else has, hoping they would go on to the WS but I think everyone knows what happened. The past few days haven't been the most eventful in the world for room 209 but a few things have caught my attention...

We Are Not Making Songs No Mo', We Makin History
The other day I got into a convo about how Gowdy hates to like my music. I can't remember exactly what was said so if I'm a little wrong on this than let me know Gowdy. But the main thing was he didn't want this preconceived notion that rap fans are giving to be applied to him. So what do you think about rap fans? I've always been surrounded by Hip Hop so I don't really see it as being out of the ordinary. Every music genre has an image attached to it but what is Hip Hop's? I see Hip Hop as a way to empower someone who otherwise wouldn't have a voice in the media. Its a way for someone who comes from nothing to be proud of where they're from. Society looks down on the poverty stricken, how are we suppose to be proud of ourselves when we're constantly reminded that we are the bottom of the barrel? I know I'm not the most poverty stricken person in the world, hell I have a full ride to college. But for most people where I'm from, the only free ride they'll get come accompanied by sirens and handcuffs. Hip Hop is the ghetto testament. Another thing about Hip Hop is that Gowdy didn't want the word "nigga" blaring out of his speakers. Whether or not people hear that word, along with others, coming out of your speakers it won't stop them from hearing it from society. You can't just try to ignore these words, words are just words - what meaning they have is up to the individual. Things like "sexy" or "bitch" are subjective. Someone you find a bitch someone else might find sexy and not bitchy at all. I think controversial words can be the same thing. A word like "nigga" that is used as hateful by some is used as a friendly term by others. I've been told that I'm someones nigga - I take no offense to that. Hell I think thats a complement. Taking a word that was used to oppress and using it to empower is a hell of a feat don't you think?

Today in W131, english, we talked about the male images that society portrays and what not. Well one of them that came up was Thug and not surprisingly the class seemed to hate the "Thug" image. As soon as it was brought up they grew silent, I noticed some looks of "uhh" and then I thought more about it. "Life's a Hustle" I've heard this from different people and sources but I never paid much attention to it but then I was thinking about it. When it comes down to it, its all about hustling. Sure this might not be the best way to look at things but think about it. Who respects someone that they don't personally have any attachment with, who has nothing? When you have nothing you have to make something of it. You have to hustle to put on this image of having something while you work towards obtaining what you want. You gotta front sometimes in order to get some respect. Another thing some kids in my class thought was that people with the "Thug" image are idiots. I don't like the word thug because it implies they are people that have to resort to violence in order to accomplish something. The way I see it, a "Hustler" has people not just buying into what they're selling but their image too. The hustler knows that what they're selling(image/product) isn't 100% true but they put it off in a way that people buy into it and they get rich that way. When I say Hustler I don't just mean someone who hustles on the street selling drugs, I mean anyone who hustles in order to get by. It doesn't ever stop tho, theres always a bigger hustler above you. The Record companies, higher ups, etc. Its all about being able to distinguish the real from the hustle - it isn't too easy...

I don't often feel compelled to write about my Song of the Day but I think I should this instance. Lil Flip is a Southern rapper, I'm not a big fan of southern rap but I'm a fan of his. He's rich as hell due to selling independently and just knowing how to market himself. Another thing I think he has worth bragging about is the title "Freestyle King." Well the reason he calls himself that is because he was awarded a plaque by DJ Screw I think, for freestyling 20-40 mins straight. I can't remember the exact length but its around there and damn thats a long time to be doing anything esp freestyling so I gotta show some respect.

Song of the Day: "The Way We Ball" by Lil Flip
"I'm Lil' Flip, I'm back on the scene, freestyle king
Brand new piece, same byzentine
I'm still sippin lean, I'm still watchin "Scream"
I love wearin platinum, but my favorite color's green
I'm hoppin out Ferraris, my house is three stories
I'm still independent cause Jive couldn't afford me
The meetings were boring, for real I was snoring
The VP was fine, yeah she made me kinda horny
But that's another story, let's get back to the topic
Right now me and Hump negotiatin to buy the Rockets
We might buy the Comets - name it, I done it
If you see it, and want it, buy it, own it
This is for my homies, Pat and DJ Screw (Screw)
R.I.P. dawg cause I really miss you
Boy I'ma stay true, until the day I fall
East coast and West coast, this is how we ball"

---

Pockets Full of Hope

What a weekend... Burning hot "magic" pizza and Vanilla Wafers have never tasted so good. Sunday was my "lazy - productive" day. I had a shit load of calculus homework to do and I finished most of it. Granted I still have about one section to finish , I finished 4 last night so I feel good. I don't have quite the great grasp that I should have after working for so long but I don't think anyone does. I hate calculus and I suspect that calculus hates me, to the point that attempts to spit in my food... Well I skipped out on the Homecoming game since it was too much and I spent the time talking to Amber about my family/life - when it comes to my fam I'm usually pretty quite...

I've never told my parents "I love you," sounds crazy eh? I even refer to them as "my mom" or "my dad" when talking to my brother and sister, something that everyone asks us about. I don't know why, its just that their my family so I just naturally say my instead of our. What a family I have tho... We don't talk about our problems to each other too much, that is unless we have a problem with one another. I've been on the bad end of arguments quite a bit of time. I don't think I've ever met anyone else whos been yelled at as much as I have. Another thing is that my parents didn't believe in spanking me as a kid, instead they went the verbal route and damn sometimes I wish they would've just beat my ass instead. Sometimes its the things that aren't said that hurt me the most... My parents in return have never said "I love you son" or anything like that. Sure I can tell my mom misses me and she cries when I left for school but shes getting better with it. They see me as the "independent one." So to them I've somehow betrayed my custom Mexican ways in order to leave for school and get myself a education... They never stressed grades at all while growing up, sure they would say do your best, etc. but they never really did anything to help me with them... I sometimes wonder what my motivation was and then it hits me like a brick... I just want my parents to say that they're proud of me - that I did good... They've never said "good job" or even acknowledged anything I've really done academically or socially... Instead all I hear from them is the bad things I've done. The things I've done wrong... How I'm "too american." I would give anything to hear them say they were proud but they can never see anything I've done well, they only see the things I do wrong. I can't live up to their expectations, no matter how hard I work... I don't know, sometimes it makes me think that I'm a failure, since thats all I ever hear about - my failures. Although people think I'm cocky and I'm arrogant at times I'm the complete opposite... I'm just a kid that wants to be told "you did good." Instead I've never really been proud of anything I've accomplished, I look back and think about how I should've done more! I'm so damn insecure about myself and my abilities because of my, MY parents that I can rarely enter a relationship. I don't really think I have much to offer even though I try to tell myself otherwise... Then theres my brother and sister. They support me in everything I do but in different ways. My sister is very vocal about the good and bad things I've done... My brother is the definition of tough love. He never lets me forget about the things I need to improve upon. Although his girlfriend, Amber, tells me that he is honestly proud of me - he can never let me know that. I feel that without the guidance of my brother I wouldn't have amounted to much... Although I act the same way towards him, I don't think theres someone I connect to as much. The older I get the more I realize just how similar we are and I can honestly say theres no one I would rather be like. He was drunk once talking to me about how we(my and my siblings) can never do enough in our parents eyes. How my dad always breaks up down and tears us apart instead of building us up... My dad's always provided for my but hes never been there for me... Although I am named after my father, I can never be my fathers son...

Song of the Day: "You Must Love Me" by Jay-Z
"We used to fight every night
but I never would suffer
just smile my big brother's
tryna make me tougher
As we grew fussing and fighting continued
as I plundered through ya stuff
and snuck ya clothes to school
Got intense real intense
as we got older
Never believed it would lead
to be popped in one of ya shoulda
With my rings knew you had it
'cause you took too long
as Mickey, Andy, and the girl that bought it looked on
Huffin' and puffin' gun in my hand
told you step outside
Hoping you said no but you hurt my pride
made our way down the steps
maybe you thought it was just a threat
or maybe ya life was just that crazy
and you was beggin' for death
try to justify this in my young mind
but ya drillin' it
and my ego hurt combined
drove me berserk
Saw the devil in your eyes
high off more than weed
confused I just closed
my young eyes and squeezed
What a sound
opened my eyes just in time
to see ya stumbling to the ground
Damn what the fuck I done now
runnin' around in a circle
thinking I'm assed out
hot gun burnin' my waist
ran straight to Jazz' house
Like a stranger damn I just shot my nigga
and ran off into the night as if it was not my nigga
Left the scene how could I go out that way
Still you asked to see me in the hospital ya next day
You must love me."

Soon You'll Understand

What a weird Friday night... Crazy moment after moment. For my more Felisophical moments look at the bolded things but heres a recap of my day. First there was the parade, which wasn't all that out of the ordinary - I mean it is homecoming week - but then there were a few out of the ordinary things like no Amber on a friday night for a while, the GLBT... then the elavator ride up to Gowdy's room...sigh... I'll get to that later. Then when amber met up with us we went to Kirkwood and found that there was a Regae concert. It was different but the people there were just... really diverse I would say. There was what appeared to be a drunk guy dancing like a puppet, he later took his shirt off and his ass almost fell out of his pants. Then while walking down Kirkwood this girl runs up to us and is just screaming "WHOA!" Later on at Wal Mart, this guy who had a cart full of Pork Rhines is asking us if theres a grocery store in there - it was our first time there so we had no idea. Just crazy things... Now for the goods...

Whats Mine is Mine
I don't want to mention names but there was an incident in an elevator where someone jokingly took something from someone else. The worst case scenerio almost happened but thankfully it didn't. So how is this Felisophical? I'll tell you how... I don't believe in censoring myself around certain people but you have to know how to play your hand. If a cop asks you a question and you happen to be high you don't just say "Hey I'm High!" It has nothing to do with acting different around people - it has everything to do with knowing what actions will result in the best outcome. I don't want to sound like I'm hard because I'm not, I'll just state what I believe. If something valueable you have, or if even you are threatened than you have to stand up for whats yours. The worst thing to do in the face of opposition is show weakness because then they'll know they can do whatever the hell they want. But don't go around starting shit over something useless. If theres one thing I learned growing up it was that you fight for what is yours and you don't show fear no matter how scared you really are. I don't know how many of you have ever had something you really love threatened so I don't know if you'll think I'm just frontin' or something but let me tell you a story. There was a time when my life was threatened, I had a gun pointed at me and it was less than 3 feet away from my chest. Its been one of the worst things I've gone through but it taught me that when you are being challenged for something you love - you can't back down, or show fear. You just gotta play your cards right in order to achieve the best outcome... I don't want it to sound like I've been through terrible thing after terrible thing but I was able to take something away from every ass kicking I got while growing up.

The numerous times I've been on the end of an ass kicking I can at least say I've always been able to walk away from everyone one of them with respect. Respect is one of my biggest things in life, I think I've earned the respect I have and I hate it when people disrespect me. So respect yourself and soon others will follow suit. One of the saddest things in life is when someone doesn't respect themselves so don't let anyone take what you've earned away from you! I know its hard sometimes when it feels like all you are doing is making mistakes but trust me, you are worth respecting kiddo...

Thats a Dangerous Man Who Speaks With His Hands

Another Thursday come and gone. I can smell Friday in the air, I can even begin to taste it a bit... I love this feeling, knowing that the weekend isn't here but anticipating it! Whats even better is that tomorrow I only have on class, albeit its at 8 AM but thats alright, I can go back to bed after its over with... or I could actually get ahead in my Calculus class and prepare for next weeks test. Well earlier I wrote a whole long entry in here earlier but IU's network decided to crash and it was all lost in the huge vortex that is cyberspace. So now I'm back here like a fiend waiting for his next hit! But the only hits I want are the ones to my site...

When Worst Come to Worst, My People Come First
Nostalgia, its becoming more and more popular to bring things back that we loved in our past. Its not just something you, you, and you enjoy - its something that suppliers have caught on to too! Just look at the revival of all that is of old: Transformers, Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles, Strawberry Shortcake, the VW Beetle, Thunderbird, etc. But it isn't bad is it? I mean when we think of things of yesteryear we mostly think about when things were better right? When things were simpler, we didn't worry about paying for college when we were "kids," we just worried about waking up on time on Saturday morning to catch our fav 'toons right? Well I love the past as much as the next guy, but I don't think we show dwell to heavily on it. We think that things were simpler back then because well, if I want to remember things why would I want to remember the bad things? I just want to be able to think about the good things I've experienced, at least for the most part. Every scar serves as a lesson to me, I'll run down the list. I have a scar on my pinky toe some a Sparkler going through the thing diagonally! It was because my room was too messy and I didn't take care of things in there. It taught me keep things straight in my life. The one on my hand - I punched a tree as hard as I could, it hurt like hell! Always stay calm, don't let your emotions cloud your judgment. Then the most important and most visible - the scar on my left arm. I broke a window when I was younger on my birthday when I punched it - what can I say, I was pissed... I never thought I would break the actual window, I barely put any force into it! Even the smallest amount of anger can leave its mark on your and everyone elses lives... I try to not let me temper get the best of me ever and although it does at times, I always think about how it can affect those around. Later on I realized just how damaging words can be too... So where am I going with all this? Don't ask me for the answer, I have no clue... but when it comes to nostalgia: Your past was the road you've taken, the future are the twists and turns that await you, today will be crossed before you know it and become part of your yesterdays. Don't let your future pasts be traveled half heartedly because you focus on what you've done more than what you are doing.

Enjoyed Seeing the Light but Lived in the Dark
Today while checking up on the IC, Ill Community, I read about Ghettopoly. The IC is just a forum to discuss Hip Hop Culture. Well Ghettopoly is suppose to be a satire about life in the ghetto, mainly dealing with the crack epidemic/theft/prostitution/violence. I personally find the initial concept funny but is this how people really see the ghetto? I mean, is "Gettin Yo Hood Addicted to Crack" really worth collecting $50 from all playas? No! I don't have any answers when it comes to how to deal with stereotypes, sure education would help but knowing the harsh realities of things don't really sell do they? Just look at the "Reality" shows.... how unrealistic is a Giligan's Island scenario? Or better yet will you or I fight for the money - wait I meant love - of a regular "Joe"? I don't know what to make of this... People say that if it were made by a black man it wouldn't be seen as such a bad thing. Makes sense, but its kinda like saying if a kid looks at child porn its ok, since he is a kid too - what do you think? Its stuff like this that just leads to misinformation about things. "Well 50's brags about selling drugs and being a pimp!" Well 50's mom was killed over drug related causes, and last I heard 50 was making all his money off of the 6 million people who bought his cd, not pimpin' beeyatches out. So is music/television/games just made for entertainment or is it made to make us believe something? Is all this just creativity or is it exploiting something? I don't know, I can't make that distinction about pop culture... I mean if I had the chance to make millions creating creative gangsta gangsta music/films would I? I'll be honest, most likely... But there is a distinction isn't there? But there is no way to know which is which... So I guess both the good and the bad will exist while there are greenbacks to be made.

The Vent
Does Life have any answers? The more and more I try to answer some of my own questions the more I realize one answer spawns two more questions which soon leads to the exponential growth of the number of questions I have. I'll never have the answers to all my questions - Life is a test and answering all of them correctly would mean that the test, as well as life, would come to an end... So I have to figure out what are the important questions, the root of it all - How & Why. So then instead of asking why first I have to ask how. How can I accomplish my goals? How can I live my life the way I want to? How can I become the person I want to be? I thinking knowing the How then accomplishing them will in turn lead me to answer Why. Thats just me though, you'll have to discover things for yourself. You'll stumble along the way I'm sure, but don't worry - if you begin to fall those around you will catch you, just as those around me have always been there for me. If you think no ones there than just remember the crazy guy who runs this web site you like to visit...

Song of the Day: "Listen" by Styles
"I gotta few things I wanna ask the Lord
Why my people gotta be so poor, feel me
and why's it so rough when you're young and black
They say you go to jail or get strung on crack
Why the girl have a baby she was twelve years old
Ask the state why the cell's gotta be so cold
and why these niggas here with so many years
whole family in court crying so many tears
can you picture us living with hope [hell no]
when the same ones hanging us is giving us dope
shit, it's hard to get by
I pray to God it's still hard to get by
Just wanna hold my son [my man]
but I can't leave my house until I load my gun
I gotta grab my sword
and when I die I got some things I wanna ask the Lord
like, why we dying from AIDS
and why on TV it's aight to be gay
aint that sorta like my gun got the right to be waved
if I could sit back and watch a whole cipher of slaves
ask my man where the blacks at
ask myself where the next Malcolm X at [I don't know]
Is he makin Salat, or upstate like a ape in a box
am I a human or a fallen angel
got to pray by myself cuz I'm out of angle
I aint facin the east, tell the brothers I was shakin the beast
had the nine and the eight in the streets
open your eyes, stay wise, cuz even Satan is deep
I pray for a better living
even though I think I'm better dying
why, cuz I'd rather hear the angels singing
why, and I don't wanna hear my people crying, feel me black"

---

Even a Broken Clock Is Right At Least Two Times a Day

I am the Governator of Cali-forkneea
First the good news: No Calculus on Friday! My teacher decided that we needed a break since so many of us fall asleep in class, so she pushed the test back one day and gave us friday off. Nice huh? Now for the bad news: A half cyborg - half politician is running Cali... I don't really have any bad news to be honest. Everythings going pretty smooth right now I have to say. I met with my advisor today and he let me have it... He thinks I should get into Kelley when I apply next semester. He told me that my scchedule for next semester is perfect and I should do good. That was nice to hear, as much as its good to hear things like that I still gotta keep a level head and keep on truckin'! The rest of my day wasn't too bad, nothing really out of the ordinary occured.... So what now you say?

Ladies and Gentlemen in ths corner we have a racist son of a bitch in the other corner we have... the same thing!
Recently the comments of Rush have made me to think about racism and what not. For those of you who don't know, he recently said something on an ESPN football show that I consider to be racist. It was along the lines of "the media over rated Donovan McNabb because they want to glorify a black quaterback" I know that isn't 100% accurate but it was close enough. What a bastard! Then O'Reilly has had Dame Dash(Co-Owner of Rocafella Records) and Ludacris on his show and all he does is blast them for their language and obscene lyrics. Well Bill, have you seen the damn sticker on the CD? Have you blasted any other musicians? I don't really watch his show but from what I've seen he seems to resort to a yelling contest. I don't know, I just think that is bad when people are "not meaning to be racist" but they sure as hell are. They think that they aren't racist but people are a product of their environment. I know its hard to see things from other people's eyes but sometimes you just gotta realize its about how you feel not what you say. If you grew up being taught to believe something than you will believe it... I don't really know how to address this issue. I know people think racism has taken a back seat in "today's soceiy" but has it? I mean I still see the stereotypes on TV, I still hear all the shit that people say. Its come to the point that if they don't display their hate than its ok. Fuck that, quite honestly I can't stand any of this shit. Yeah if you have some bad experiences with a certain group you might be a little jaded but do a few stand for a million? Just because you see the media showing stereotypes out the ass all over the place do you honestly believe that they are showing you the truth? I mean if we are free to believe what we want than why is it that everyone believes the same stereotypes? I don't know about you but I think it'd make more sense to have people believe a certain thing - it'd be easier to "influence" their freedom. If the first thing that I hear from a cop when I'm pulled over happens to be "Is this your car? If not does the owner know you have it?" I can't stand that shit, they're pretty much calling me out on stealing a damn car. The media needs to make a bad guy, if not than we would walk around not knowing who the enemy is right? Or would we just be a little less influenced to mark a certain ethnicity as the enemy? Call me crazy but I think if there weren't a danger element associated with a certain group of people in this country than people wouldn't be so damn negative towards them. Its easier for the media to categorize the enemy... but than again I see the enemy not as the person the media calls the bad guy but the person controlling the media making us believe that someone is the bad guy. That way they could pull a little switcheroo and do shit while no one was suspecting a thing, no? It just disappoints me that people buy into this shit...

Song of the Day: "I'm Not You" by Clipse feat Jadakiss, Styles P, Roscoe P. Coldchain
"It shames me to no end,
To feed poison to those who could very well be my kin (uh huh)
But where there's demand, someone will supply
So I feed them their needs at the same time cry
Yes it pains me to see them needness
All of them lost souls and I'm their Jesus
Deepest regret and sympathy to the street
I see no pity for they fix when they kids couldn't eat (so sorry)
And with this in mind, I still didn't quit
And that's how I know, that I aint shit (I aint shit)
My heart bleed but that's aside from the fact,
I live from my kids and theirs and them youngins after that"

---

A man is condemned or exaulted by his words..

Its Monday! Where did the weekend go? Oh I know, it went into making some memories of things past, thats where. So last night I recieved a nice surprise, someone commented about my Blog. I won't say who they were but they IMed me saying that they read it everyday, and they enjoy reading my thoughts and sometimes apply what I believe in into their own lives. I never really expected anyone to say that to me, this is just mainly something I do to get things off of my mind but if someone takes something away from this that can help them than go for it. It was just a nice way to end a weekend I suppose. Thanks kid, that was really nice. Who signed my guest book as the mexican lover? Was it you Tony?

Well after my first hour today I was walking down the stairs and I over heard some girls bragging about how much sleep they didn't get and how much homework they didn't get done. It seemed like they were proud of the dumb shit they did. I don't know, it just gets my why some people think its good to be bad. Yeah that was cliche and dumb but I don't know how else to put it. Then people just say things even louder so people can hear them... I don't want it to sound like I'm the most humble person you will ever meet but I'm no anchor man so I don't see the need to broadcast the news about the dumb things I've done to everyone. Some people will probably think I'm being hypocritical sicne thats exactly what I do in this blog, but you come here to read it - I'm not standing outside on a corner damn near shouting this right? Well my rants done for now... Check out the Song of the Day - one of my favorite songs right now.

Song of the Day: "Soul Food" by Cormega
"I hope this ain't a bad time, did I wake you?
I've been meaning to talk to you, come over
Take a walk with you, if you don't mind
I think its time I share thoughts with you
I thought you knew my feelings, I'm making sure you do
I'm sitting on my bed, staring at the ceiling, wishing you was here
We could just talk, while I run my fingers through your hair
I'm feeling your style, your conversation, your smile
I've been patient a while, there's no escaping denial
The waste of time, we could be spending
You told me I'm different, from the rest
And you don't even, understand why you wit him
If you love him, stay wit him, if not, don't play wit him
Cause feelings run deep, my emotions make niggas
Do things they might regret, I don't wanna bang wit him
Over you, I suppose you knew
He ain't a killer
So imma let you go, think about it let me know

Sometimes I wish I never met you yo...

When I met you, I didn't sweat you
Eye contact was kinda real
You kept it concealed, your man was with you
You see my style you realize I'm official
I was a face you've never seen, with a grace of a king
I was me, and my man, Fly Tai in Fort Green
My people recognize you, and said you only moved with live dudes
And you don't let it run up inside you, time flew
We started kicking it, I'm feeling you, we intimate
And I ain't trying to let nothing interfere wit this
Its real what I feel, but its quite complex
When you leave me, you with him
No I'm stressed
You told me he hit you
I went for my pistol, loaded with missiles
You said "No boo, you making it a whole different issue"
I left it alone, you kissed me
Got dressed and went home
Then when you just saved your man, from getting his frame blown
But imma let you go, think about it let me know

Sometimes I wish I never met you yo...

I mean truthfully, you really need to know
Usually you say "Cory, I don't wanna let you go"
Check it though, I know you want me
Yet reality confronts me, you in a situation
you know that, I must leave
In order for you to grow, try to accept this
You say I'm wrong, but in time you'll respect it
Your needs are being met, yet mind are neglected
Its wrong what we doing, if not you would of left him
You telling me this is something you don't wanna hear
But you the type of woman that I don't wanna share, you rare
Imma always be here, if you need me, call me
never think I don't care"

The manifestation of the words that you put in space

I don't think I've ever written in this on a weekend since I first got it. So whats so different about this time? Well I read Anthony''s and Gowdy's blogs and I don't know... what I read made me want to write. Go read what they wrote, I'm sure you'll coem away with something. So now I'm just wondering about what I put in here, how I talk to people, how I deal with things... Well I originally, pretty much like everyone else, just wanted to write about everyday life but with the passing the days, the less I write about everyday life. I just kind of vent now, I'm sure people read it but I don't know what they think about it. I'd at least think that this thing is entertaining but I'm not sure. I wonder who those around me think about me, how they see me. I've always wondered but not very much, for most of my life I've thought of myself as a loner... I deal with everything by myself, I usually don't mention my problems to many people, what do I want to bother them with my problems for? Even within my family, I've never really talked to any of them about my problems and thats probably why its so hard for me to open up most people but I find myself doing it in here somewhat often... So now I'm curious exactly what everyone thinks about me. Does anyone wish they could punch me in the face? Do they think I'm just some crazy mexican kid lost between the borders of Mexico and the US? Then there are those who I talk to, I have to admit that I have been changing while I've been down here. Then I have to wonder if what I say affects people, just in casual talk or in this form. Do I give the wrong impression? How do I come off? But more importantly its not my words, its my actions... How do I carry myself? I dunno, I always considered myself something whos pretty easy to get along with, an inviting person, but how I see myself is different than how everyone else sees me... I know people hate it when somethings bothering me but I never let it out, and I feel the same way about other people. If there were something bother you, I'd really appreciate it if you could come and talk to me about it. I'm no Dr.Phil, you can call me Dr. Jose if it makes you feel any better tho... But it sucks when you see one of your friends obviously bothered by somethign and not be able to talk about it. If you ever have a problem with me or if you just want to talk, don't be afraid to call. If you can't sleep at night, just call me on my cell phone - I haven't turned it off since I bought it. So if you ever need anything, the offers on the table. I'm not just saying this to just say it either, don't be afraid to ask me for anything... I give you my word, if I can help then I will..

Song of the Day: "Robin Hood Theory" by Gangstarr

If not fed in due time the mind is anorexic

Wow, I haven't had any crazy ideas in a while so I haven't really been all that eager to write in here. So let me go ahead and write a little about my day. I got to sleep in today which was bad ass and I only had one class today, nice huh? Worked out like always, guess what kids? Who can curl 130lbs? Yeah thats right, yours truely! hahaha, its just nice to feel strong like I use to. I didn't ever really feel strong but I feel stronger than before, life is constantly evolving and so should I. I still don't have any ideas to write about but I today I realized something. There have been so many people who have encouraged me to come to college and everything. Sure people always say its a good idea, but there have been a lot of people who have put their faith in me. Example, my senior year Mrs.Woods nominated me for some Bill Gates scholarship that would've been a full ride plus some, I didn't meet all the requirements - namely GPA - she knew this but she thought they might look past that and see I deserve it. I didn't think too much of it at the time, but she took a lot of time to fill a ton of stuff out for me. Things like that make me feel good about being here, its like people actually believe in me. People I never really thought of... I've been told I can accomplish great things but I never really believed people meant it until I kinda looked back and noticed how much people have gone out of their way to make sure I suceed at everything...crazy eh? I don't want it to seem like I think so highly of myself, because I don't, but its nice to be believe in ya know? For all my friends who I talk to, I have a ton of faith in you guys. I don't surround myself with idiots, I think all my friends - you, you, and you - all can contribute greatly to soceity. I'm around you because theres something about you that I hold highly and probably because theres something I can learn from you. Life is a learning experience and I just want to learn as much as I can from everyone I can. Don't think I'm using you tho, I enjoy your company because you are who you are. So if you're someone I talk to on a regular or not so regular basis, just remember this: Theres a reason I choose to talk to you, out of all the millions of people I could be talking to I am talking to you. You're special like that and don't forget that. I know people often forget their self worth and I don't understand why... Well I'm here to remind you, the people who surround you are those who see it and they wouldn't be there if they didn't. Although you may never know how much you have affected everyone, they think highly of you...well I'm out for now kids - Make sure you check out both the Quote and Song of the Day

Quote of the Day: "Teach the adecs to fight crime" - Stubbs
Song of the Day: "Therapy" by Cormega
"To ease the mind I analyze between lines I vandalize
With rhymes, when I recite I hold the mic like a nine
I design like a composer
Blow you like a soldier
Vocal mind? with the smoothness, move with composure
Grab a mic n' set it like I'm wettin' su'n' with my heater
MC's get wet cuz they be sweatin my procedure
Crimes I design remove stress
Like buddah bless in the projects I choose to rep
My complex like geometry, blessed like ganja be
If I die, live niggaz gunshots'll honor me
Properly, I be droppin these lime life philosophies
Criminology, it's just a ghetto nigga prophecy
I got to be laid back, empower property
Sports cars, dogs, and a yard lots of trees
Quite possibly I might even chop a ki
'Cuz even when I chill the D's are still clockin' me
Rookies on their fours havin' wet dreams of knockin' me
See me jumpin' out the mean Lex, a street odyssey
So vex they follow me son, my policy, here to make mines
sorta like rhyme is a robbery, I take mines
There ain't a mother fucka stoppin' me
Rhymes like these, leave ya' mind at ease"

Paid Dues, Been Screwed But Can't Remove the Scars

Its the middle of the week, almost to the end. I can see the finish line in the distance, just gotta keep moving and I'll make it fine. Well you're probably wondering why I didn't update yesterday, even if you're not wonderin you'll find out why. I was busy working on homework, yes, homework. I feel that I should probably work and study more often, not that I'm getting bad grades but just because this is what counts - so yesterday I pretty much worked all day. I finished my A110 web site, and a lot of my calculus. I even got ahead in my English class, crazy eh? The only bad thing is that I'm tired as hell... I feel worn out but I'll get over it since I can sleep until 1 tomorrow! HAHAHA... So its Oct 1 now, my stuff should get here sometime today - can't wait till I get it! Plus I'll be going home sometime this month, it is my sisters birthday after all. I'm finally starting to feel pretty good from working out, granted I'm not in shape but I do feel good. I'm starting to get a little bit closer to what I was able to lift when I worked out before and that makes me feel good. Its like riding a bike, once you get the hang of it again its cake. Well gowdy you wanted some more intellectual masturbation to think about eh? Well I don't have too much right now, I'm too tired to think of anything really... Well I got nothing but this: I need a show like "Touch Crowd with Colin Quinn," as much as I talk about this stuff. If you've ever seen the show than you know how bad ass it is. Its really funny and entertaining but the things they talk about are really good topics. You gotta have an idea of whats going on in the world tho to really appreciate some of the topics they talk about. Another thing I've noticed is that I bitch a lot about the music industry, I think most artists(mostly rap) are garbage so I've decided to step up to the plate. I don't really know how hard it would be to make a song so I'm going to try my hand at it. This really isn't anything major but I just wanna see if I can come up with some stuff thats better than whats out now... Whats this mean to you? Well I'm sure it'll provide a little bit of entertainment... I haven't ever written bars down on paper, sure when I get bored driving home by myself I like to freestlye but thats something completely different. So stay tuned, when I get some time I'm just going to unleash the beast on the world. But if you want to hear some good music check out "Life's a Bitch" by Nas and AZ, its the song of the day today but its also "The Hip Hop Song," atleast to me it is... I consider this song to be among the TOP THREE HIP HOP SONGS EVER, so its saying a lot.. Plus, AZ(featured on the song) ended up getting a record deal for just his one verse in the whole song. How many artists in any genre can really say that huh? Yeah I think AZ is bad ass and needs more respect in the game.. Well here it is... Check back later, maybe I'll write some idea down or something....

Song of the Day: "Life's a Bitch" by Nas feat. AZ

[Verse One: AZ the Visualiza]
"Visualizin the realism of life and actuality
Fuck who's the baddest a person's status depends on salary
And my mentality is, money orientated
I'm destined to live the dream for all my peeps who never made it
cause yeah, we were beginners in the hood as five percenters
But somethin must of got in us cause all of us turned to sinners
Now some, restin in peace and some are sittin in San Quentin
Others such as myself are tryin to carry on tradition
Keepin the schwepervesence street ghetto essence inside us
Cause it provides us with the proper insight to guide us
Even though, we know somehow we all gotta go
but as long as we leavin thievin we'll be leavin with some kind of dough
so, and to that day we expire and turn to vapors
me and my capers-ll be somewhere stackin plenty papers
Keepin it real, packin steel, gettin high
Cause life's a bitch and then you die"